Golf Talk

Appleby practices his worship to the porcelain gods

Final Score heading into Sunday:
United States 14.5
Internationals 7.5

I guess Jack did in fact know something we didn’t yesterday. The Americans were toying with their opponents out there today, they could do no wrong. Meanwhile, Mike Weir appears to be the only guy that bothered to show up today, it’s a good thing as the hometown crowd had little to cheer about. Instead, the Americans could be heard chanting, “SCOREBOARD, SCOREBOARD, SCOREBOARD”.

Now we really know this thing is done like dinner. Is there really any point in watching this dead duck tomorrow?? After all, the NFL will be on, ALL DAY. Well, maybe Woody Austin, he’s more than worth a Sunday glance. See you all at the 19th…

Day 3 - Foursomes

Match 13
Team US Stricker/ Mahan
2 up
Team Int’l Immelman/ Sabbatini

Match 14
Team US Mickelson/ Austin
5 and 4
Team Int’l Goosen/ Appleby

Match 15
Team US Woods/ Furyk
4 and 3
Team Int’l Scott/ Els

Match 16
Team US Glover/ Verplank
2 and 1
Team Int’l Singh/ Weir

Match 17
Team US Johnson/ Toms
2 and 1
Team Int’l O’Hern/ Ogilvy

Day 4 - Four-ball

Match 18
Team US Cink/ Furyk
1 up
Team Int’l Cabrera/ Choi

Match 19
Team US Mickelson/ Austin
Halved
Team Int’l Scott/ Goosen

Match 20
Team US Howell III/ Glover
4 and 2
Team Int’l Weir/ Els

Match 21
Team US Stricker/ Mahan
1 up
Team Int’l Singh/ Appleby

Match 22
Team US Woods/ Toms
5 and 3
Team Int’l O’Hern/ Ogilvy

PGA Tour, President’s Cup

Photo by S.Greenwood

If they gave out MVP awards, Woody Austin would be the early favorite heading into the weekend. Talk about clutching up and taking one for the team, Woody took his game to a whole new level, he’s superbad. He’s the John Elway of golf. He’s American badass true and through. Terry Bradshaw and Bill Lambier, you ain’t got nothing on Woody. Do you think you’d see delicate pre-Madonna’s like Phil, Tiger or Toms trying a shot like this,

The story gets better, after his mishap on 14, he came back and pounded his tee shot 6-feet from the cup on 16, holed a 15-footer for birdie on 17, and hammered a 5-iron on 18 to get it within 5-feet. Dude was downright bitchin, untouchable. Even his playing partner David Toms was fired up,

Is there anything Woody can’t do?? Seriously, I could’ve sworn I saw him selling programs and popcorn, painting the fences, walking the dogs and taking out the trash in between holes. He is the main attraction, he is the shit, and the best part of it is that Woody couldn’t give a damn but to win.

If I’m Team USA, I try to find out what Woody is on, whatever stuff he’s on is out of this world. In fact, they should find out what he’s on and give it to the rest of Team USA, they sure could use his attitude right about now.

Vote for Woody!

PGA Tour, President’s Cup, Woody Austin

Phil doesn’t appear to have a worry in the world

Final Score after Day 2 four-ball:
United States 7
Internationals 5

Match 7
Team US Mickelson/ Mahan
1 up
Team Int’l Cabrera/ Goosen

Match 8
Team US Woods/ Furyk
5 and 4
Team Int’l Singh/ Appleby

Match 9
Team US Johnson/ Howell III
3 and 1
Team Int’l Els/ Weir

Match 10
Team US Stricker/ Verplank
2 and 1
Team Int’l Scott/ Choi

Match 11
Team US Cink/ Glover
1 up
Team Int’l Ogilvy/ O’Hern

Match 12
Team US Austin/ Toms
Halved
Team Int’l Immelman/ Sabbatini

So it would appear that I spoke too soon yesterday when I said that the Americans were running away with this thing. As Mike Pedersen commented, Tiger Woods had his worst match play loss ever (which says alot considering his record in team match play is not all that impressive to begin with). The Americans just looked out of sync all day. Despite getting walloped, I saw Tiger laughing most of the day, Phil frolicking with his wife, and Jack still had a smile from ear to ear. Maybe they know something that we don’t.

Biggest gaffe of the day goes to Stewart Cink who missed a short 3-footer on the 17th and would end up losing the match by one. I bet Jack is re-thinking about that 4 and a half footer he conceded yesterday to Singh/Weir, or maybe not, again they seem to know something we don’t based on their demeanor.

The biggest story of the entire tournament so far has been Woody Austin. They should make him the captain, he’s playing like a man possessed. Call him Roy McAvoy, he’s lighting it up.

Tomorrow we can look forward to a mixture of foursomes and four-ball play. As usual, Saturday sets up for the big finish so it’s the critical day for either the Americans to re-establish a big lead or for Team World to take the lead themselves. We’ll see soon how this thing finishes out.

PGA Tour, President’s Cup

Photo by Ryan Remiorz, The Canadian Press

A missed four-footer by Els was the difference.

Final Score after Day 1 foursomes:
United States 5.5
Internationals 0.5

Match 1
Team US Stricker/ Mahan
3 and 2
Team Int’l Scott/ Ogilvy

Match 2
Team US Mickelson/ Austin
Halved
Team Int’l Singh/ Weir

Match 3
Team US Cink/ Johnson
1 up
Team Int’l Sabbatini/ Immelman

Match 4
Team US Toms/ Furyk
1 up
Team Int’l Els/ Cabrera

Match 5
Team US Glover/ Verplank
2 up
Team Int’l Appleby/ Goosen

Match 6
Team US Woods/Howell III
3 and 1
Team Int’l Choi/ O’Hern

Though the score shows that Team USA steamrolled, the reality was that most of the matches came down to the final holes. Mike Weir played exceptionally well (not what I had predicted) and he and Vijay Singh were able to halve their match.

Ernie Els had a chance to halve his match but he missed a four-footer. Afterwards, Gary Player consoled Ernie saying, “We’ve all missed those before.” Still, that is a bitter pill to swallow considering their first round deficit is the largest in the President’s Cup history. Gary Player tried his best to put a brave face saying, “The President’s Cup isn’t won on the first day.” True Gary, but you’re team is down big time and you’re relying on a miracle the rest of the way. With the best player to ever play the game in Tiger Woods on the opposite team, I don’t like the chances for a comeback here unlike Team USA at the Solheim Cup.

The other news of the day was the pairing of Phil Mickelson and Woody Austin conceding a four-foot putt to Vijay Singh thus halving their match. Apparently, the call came from Team USA captain Jack Nicklaus who did out of respect for Mike Weir as a Canadian playing in Canada. Phil said afterwards, “Captain Nicklaus said for us to do it. If it was up to me I don’t know. It was the right call. Vijay wasn’t going to miss that putt anyway. He hasn’t missed one like that in four or five years.” And then Ernie Els misses his four-footer. Man, that Jack has class, with so much at stake that usually isn’t the case.

PGA Tour, President’s Cup

Photo by DAVID BOILY/AFP/Getty Images

In what is being billed as the most important golf event in the history of golf in Canada, the President’s Cup gets set to tee of tomorrow. No player is facing the pressure more than Canadian Mike Weir. If you remember, Weir was Gary Player’s controversial pick earlier this summer over Stephen Ames who was actually higher in the world rankings at that point. It wouldn’t normally be a big deal, except that Mike Weir has a history of choking under pressure playing in front of the home town fans. I find it laughable that people are even talking about a Tiger-Weir singles matchup, Tiger would own that.

Team USA poses. (Photo by Sam Greenwood/US PGA TOUR)

Missing from this year’s President’s Cup so far has been the trash talking and smack that usually precedes these USA v. World events. Last time in 2005, Vijay Singh piped up saying Fred Couples would be carted away shortly after the front-nine (Vij would end up eating his words later). Maybe that is why the Ryder Cup is more exciting than the President’s Cup, there’s more animosity between the teams. The US has the PGA Tour, Europe has the European Tour. If you look at the International team, most of the players live, train and play in the US year-round anyway, for the most part, you can call them Americans. Take Mike Weir for example, the guy lives in Utah and has lived there since he went to college there. His kids were all born in the US. What about Rory “motormouth” Sabbatini, he’s more Texan than South African, just listen to him speak.

Team World poses. (Photo by Sam Greenwood/US PGA TOUR)

Still, it will be good to see the last big tournament of the year before the Tour shuts it down. I know they are still playing the fall series, but lets face it, nobody of note is playing. For all intents and purposes, this is the last golf tournament of relevance of the year before it cranks up again in February.

PGA Tour, President’s Cup, Mike Weir

Tiger Woods in favor of castration.

Tiger Woods chimed in on the announcement by Tim Finchem for a new drug policy set to begin next spring. According to Tiger Woods, he wants the cheats that get caught to be punished to the full extent. Tiger didn’t specify exactly what kind of punishment it should be other than it should be severe and uncompromising.

I love it how in golf, all these guys can speak up and talk smack and Tim Finchem doesn’t even respond. In the NBA, if you run your mouth off, you’ll have one of David Stern’s goons roughing you up outside of the gym. In the NFL, Roger Goodell just kicks you out.

Of course, we know the reason why Tim Finchem kisses the players asses. It’s the players that make up this whole damn tour. And after the Fedex Cup debacle, he knows he needs to win back the players trust. According to Tiger, Tim will be meeting with the players to decide which drugs will be banned in addition to the penalties.

You know what would be really funny? If at some point, Tiger was the one that tested positive. Now that would be a story. Especially after coming out and saying that he wants harsh punishments for cheaters. Lets be real here, if anyone should be tested, it’s Tiger. If you look at the before 1997 and now 2007 photos, it’s like 2 different people. Now I’m willing to give Tiger the benefit of the doubt that he’s legit, after all he is Tiger Woods and has owned everybody on Tour for the better part of a decade, but I think a lot of people privately are wondering if Tiger is on something.

PGA Tour, Tiger Woods, Tim Finchem, drug testing

With all the bashing she gets on this side of the world, it seems Michelle is a huge hit in her native Korea. About 20 giddy (and what appear to be very horny) Korean dudes gawk as Michelle owns it in some weird Iron Chef style mini-golf competition. I love how all the guys are staring at her ass with their mouths open and drool coming out. Gotta good look there buddy?? I mean, Michelle is a hottie and all, but that is too damn obvious. Anyways, enjoy the clip, I know I did…

Michelle Wie, Korean show, funnies

That’s one funky trophy, Steve. (AP Photo/John Haeger)

The Turning Stone Resort Championship concluded on Sunday and Steve Flesch was the last man standing. He finished with at 18-under overall but carded a 1-over round of 73 on Sunday, no doubt, the heebee-jeebees got to him and he did just hold off Michael Allen, John Senden and John Mallinger who all finished 2-back, Mallinger was 3-back.

More on Flesch, he basically fell off the face of the earth earlier in the year missing 20 straight cuts, but has finished strong late in 2007 to claim 2 events. He’s gonna like the paycheck too, a cool $1.08 million.

Second place finisher Michael Allen made it big on Sunday as well. He was a Q school qualifier for this season and his second place finish means he is auto-qualified through until next year.

So how did my picks fare this week?? Well, Stuart Appelby finished at 10-under tied for 18th overall, Robert Allenby at 9-under tied for 25th overall, my highest pick was Carl Petterson at 14-under and tied for 5th overall.

So what’s next? The President’s Cup no less at Royal Montreal. And Tiger Woods will be playing which means that the rest of the world will actually wake up for this one. It should be a very interesting tournament, Mike Weir is the big name Canadian headlining the International side on home soil but is playing piss poor lately.

PGA Tour, Turning Stone Resort Championship, Steve Flesch

OK, so maybe you can’t swing like Tiger Woods. Well, here is a new way at looking at the golf swing. I first read about it in the August edition of Golf Digest magazine. The no backswing swing (NBS) was pioneered by some old dude called Dr. Jim Suttie and Dr. T.J. Tomasi. After all, this was created by two doctors so this must be good right??

Yes, and no. The swing is fundamentally sound. In many ways, swinging the club is like swinging a baseball. The motions are similar. What I like about the NBS is that it reduces mishits. To me, it’s a beginner’s swing. If you’re just starting golf and you’re having a hard time hitting the damn ball, this might be a swing to try.

Think of it like playing T-ball. You wind up, stay in your stance, then hit the ball.

What I don’t like about it is that the traditional golf swing promotes tempo and rhythm. If you watch someone like Ernie Els swing the golf club, you notice a certain rhythm and tempo in the way he swings. In many ways, Vijay swings it the same with good rhythm and tempo. The NBS is a herky-jerky movement, you’ll hit the ball for sure but I think you have trouble with the feel of distance and how far to take the club back. I know when I swing, I use the pendulum motion to gage how far I need to take it back and how hard I need to swing through to get the desired distance and feel.

Plus, if you start with the NBS, I think you’ll have a hard time switching back to a conventional swing when you want to start feeling your swing again.

The no backswing swing, golf tips

I read this from Ed Lee’s The Golf Blog and just thought i couldn’t resist to comment. Natalie Gulbis blogs on her website about their private party in Monte Carlo following Team USA’s win at the Solheim Cup last week. And they spared no expense. I mean, for most people, this would be like their wildest fantasy, I know it is for me. This ain’t your regular groupies you’d be partying with, can you imagine partying up with Natalie Gulbis, Paula Creamer, Morgan Pressel, Brittany Lincicome, Stacey Prammansudh, Christie Kerr Laura Diaz and Nicole Castrale (OK, the last three are married, but when did that ever matter. Fellas, don’t tell me you haven’t thought of tappin’ that ass, which ones?? All of them).

Well, you can go ahead and read Nat’s account on the link above, but I prefer to narrate with pictures.

First they win the Solheim Cup, in stunning comeback fashion no less,

Then, they take a private jet from Sweden to Monte Carlo,

They get put up in one of the finest hotels in the world, much less in Monte Carlo,

Get dressed and dolled up to go out on a night on the town, party time baby,

They take a 100-foot yacht for a private party on the water under the city lights,

Then spend the night in their 5-star hotel and the next day they shop to their hearts content and after all that hard work, they spend the afternoon at the spa,

At night, they enjoy a tour of the largest wine gallery in the world drinking to their hearts content back on the yacht,

At last, the party is over and they get flown back on the lear jet back to America,

Chokin’ Freakin’ Dogs?? I think not. These ladies know how to party. Dottie Pepper, you ain’t invited and Michelle Wie, you ain’t no Ms. Thang.

Solheim Cup, Team USA, party in monte carlo

I can’t believe this actually made it through eBay’s content quality control system, but nevertheless, this is the funniest shit I’ve read in years. If I had a fat ass girlfriend like this poor dude, I’d do the exact same thing. It’s too bad he only fetched a paltry $14 bucks for his misery. Someone please send him some paypal money to help ease his pain, I pity the fool…. Anyway, here is the description of his golf club:

Im selling this club because I finally left my fatass girlfriend who hated the fact that I loved to play golf. I bought this for her when hybrids first came out which was approximately 5 years ago or when she was 115 pounds lighter. She stopped playing golf soon after I introduced her to the game and decided she would rather eat cookies and tacos as a sport. When she decided to start playing again she realized that her hands were to swollen to grip the club properly from all the meat around her knuckles. In addition, she couldnt figure out why she could not make a shoulder turn anymore. Truth be told, her titts got so big and droopy that she had to use my Sun Mountain push cart to haul them when we played (the cart has since buckled from the overloaded weight capacity). Also, her gut and thighs got so big she could hide 4 full grown Chihuahuas under the fat folds. I put up with her shitt for about 2 years and during this time she got even heavier. Her fatass became so big that when she actually made a correct shoulder turn she farted. I’m not talking about a ladylike fart with a few giggles- were talking fog horn deep and the smell was so bad it would turn all your hair into ash. I think the hippo actually fermented napalm in her colon from all the ice cream, pizza and bad chinese food she inhaled on an hourly basis. Ultimately it got to the point where I just stopped playing with her because I began to feel like I was doing a “Make a Wish” deed for the obese, retarded lady. And every time I went out with my regular group on Sundays, she gave me that look like I was going to be in deep shitt when I got back. So eventually I said f*ck it and I wont play for a while. 2 months ago I was cleaning out the garage and my buddies came over after a round and we were shooting the shitt about the US Open when all of sudden the cyclops comes out from her cave and tells me that I should sell all my clubs since I dont play anymore. My friends all gave me that look (you know what I mean) and just left in complete disgust. I knew those f*ckers were laughing their asses off at me and I felt really bad. Whatever……. I just rolled with it but 3 weeks after that incident she decided she was going to sell some of my shitt at a garage sale with 10 of her fat friends from the neighborhood. You shoulda seen this. It was a spectacle. 10 fat, female pigs all wearing tennis visors and shorts that were straining to stay buttoned around their waists. They had more MM’s, Oreos and Grape Soda then garage sale items. I went specifically to see what she took of mine thinking there may have been a few odd things that she grabbed when I suddenly I saw my beloved Mizuno MP33 blades being hauled off by a senior citizen. I stopped the geezer and told him it was a mistake but the f*cker told me to kiss his asss and that he had a receipt. I almost strangled the gimp but I had 5 fat hogs standing in front of me telling that a “sale was sale” and they barricaded me in with their 34 inch necks. Get this: THEY SOLD MY CLUBS FOR $89 AND THEY THOUGHT THEY GOT A GOOD DEAL. That was pretty much the last straw so that evening while the beast was asleep, I grabbed what I could and left her cave. This club was one of the items I snagged along with some of her golf shoes, shirts and her golf bag. If you are a man with size 18 feet and bunions her shoes might fit you. I’ll put the rest of her items up for sale in the Deformed Product Section. Please note this club has a small chip in the paint and has some sole wear. The lard asss must have forgotten to put the headcover on during one of her on course gas tantrums. Has a steel shaft in stiff flex with a brand new Golf Pride Tour Velvet grip. Club has 16 degrees of loft. Thanks for looking and if you win this club, keep it as a reminder whenever you decide that you are ready for a serious relationship. Take a good look at this club and remember its history- its priceless and you’ll thank me later.

Paypal verified member since 1998. $17.00 Shipping to Lower 48. All proceeds will be donated to the Jenny Craig Obese Fund, C/O of the Cyclops.

Well, that just made my freakin’ day.

selling my fat girlfriend’s club, funnies

Credit: Coryoo24 from Digg

That’s right, Brendon de Jonge is your current leader at the Turning Stone Championship. But the biggest story of round one was 2 hole in ones on the same hole by the same pair. That’s right, you heard me, 2 hole in ones on the same hole by the same pair, Thomas Brady and Dennis Gerhart .

OK, so that wasn’t very exciting. I’m finding it hard to get up to watch this thing, but I will. An unknown like de Jonge will likely take this as there aren’t any big names that are real close. Chad Campbell was there for a bit, but he hasn’t done anything in ages so I doubt he’ll do it here.

My pick Stuart Appleby is hovering just under par, but is too far from the lead. Robert Allenby is around the top 20 but he never wins anything.

PGA Tour, Turning Stone Resort Championship, Brendon de Jonge

With the ominous announcement by PGA Tour commish Tim Finchem that the tour will move forward with drug testing for illegal performance enhancers, the tour moves one step forward to a major scandal breaking out.

Though many players will deny the existence of illegal drugs and proclaim their innocence much like Raphael Palmeiro and his famous finger,

Or Floyd Landis’ many excuses for his elevated testosterone levels including ‘natural production’,

It is just a matter of time, before Golf has it’s first Raphael Palmeiro or Floyd Landis. I am of the same belief as Gary Player that players are taking illegal drugs and will continue to do so until they get caught. It happens in all sports, everyone cheats, the stakes are so high. Vijay Singh once altered his scorecard to make a cut, you know, when you make a 6 into a 5.

The next frontier is equipment, illegal drivers, putters, golf balls.

Cheaters beware, Tim Finchem wants your balls…

PGA Tour, drug testing, steriods, Tim Finchem

Maybe those bean burritos weren’t such a great idea after all. Just like you and me, Tiger Woods needs to take a shit every now and again in between holes. This clip was taken mid-round in this year’s 2007 US Open at Oakmont which he lost by one stroke to Angel Cabrera. Now we know why he was missing all those short birdie putts, he was backed up and constipated. Don’t you hate it when that happens?

I love it how there’s a crowd to wait for him to finish his dumpage, and security guards too. After all, imagine someone pulling the old outhouse tipover.

I think I like Tiger more now than I ever did before…

Tiger Woods, taking a dump, golf funnies

The blond bombshell looking to clean up this week

The PGA Tour season is unofficially over with the conclusion of the Fedex Cup. So why the heck are they still playing?? It’s called a cash grab folks. Anyways, the site of this week’s Turning Stone Resort Championship is the Atunyote Golf Club in Verona, NY. Only 2 of the top 30 players bothered to show up, still there are some good names on the board.

Now since Yahoo!Fantasy has completed it’s 2007 season, we’ll simply pick the best foursome and give you some sleepers for the week. Jump on the link to see the picks.

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