Golf Talk

With the end of the President’s Cup and the fall season here, the real Tiger Woods has shut it down and will bunker down in Florida the rest of the year. For all of you fans that are going through Tiger withdrawal we bring you the Dave Chappelle Show.

I haven’t seen the Dave Chappelle show in a while but I’m a big fan of his stuff. In this episode, Chappelle does a really funny parody called the “Racial Draft”. The blacks get the first pick overall and pick Tiger Woods proclaiming him 100% black. The jews pick Lenny Kravitz despite the announcers going with Madonna. The whites take Colin Powell but the blacks agree to give the whites Colin Powell only on the grounds that the whites take Condoleeza Rice as well. The whites agree but the blacks then want Eminem but the whites only agree if the blacks take back OJ Simpson. Finally, the asians, upset at the blacks taking Tiger Woods first overall and proclaiming him 100% black, take the Wu-Tang Clan.

Konichiwa B*tches!

Tiger Woods, taking a dump, golf funnies

With all the bashing she gets on this side of the world, it seems Michelle is a huge hit in her native Korea. About 20 giddy (and what appear to be very horny) Korean dudes gawk as Michelle owns it in some weird Iron Chef style mini-golf competition. I love how all the guys are staring at her ass with their mouths open and drool coming out. Gotta good look there buddy?? I mean, Michelle is a hottie and all, but that is too damn obvious. Anyways, enjoy the clip, I know I did…

Michelle Wie, Korean show, funnies

That’s one funky trophy, Steve. (AP Photo/John Haeger)

The Turning Stone Resort Championship concluded on Sunday and Steve Flesch was the last man standing. He finished with at 18-under overall but carded a 1-over round of 73 on Sunday, no doubt, the heebee-jeebees got to him and he did just hold off Michael Allen, John Senden and John Mallinger who all finished 2-back, Mallinger was 3-back.

More on Flesch, he basically fell off the face of the earth earlier in the year missing 20 straight cuts, but has finished strong late in 2007 to claim 2 events. He’s gonna like the paycheck too, a cool $1.08 million.

Second place finisher Michael Allen made it big on Sunday as well. He was a Q school qualifier for this season and his second place finish means he is auto-qualified through until next year.

So how did my picks fare this week?? Well, Stuart Appelby finished at 10-under tied for 18th overall, Robert Allenby at 9-under tied for 25th overall, my highest pick was Carl Petterson at 14-under and tied for 5th overall.

So what’s next? The President’s Cup no less at Royal Montreal. And Tiger Woods will be playing which means that the rest of the world will actually wake up for this one. It should be a very interesting tournament, Mike Weir is the big name Canadian headlining the International side on home soil but is playing piss poor lately.

PGA Tour, Turning Stone Resort Championship, Steve Flesch

I can’t believe this actually made it through eBay’s content quality control system, but nevertheless, this is the funniest shit I’ve read in years. If I had a fat ass girlfriend like this poor dude, I’d do the exact same thing. It’s too bad he only fetched a paltry $14 bucks for his misery. Someone please send him some paypal money to help ease his pain, I pity the fool…. Anyway, here is the description of his golf club:

Im selling this club because I finally left my fatass girlfriend who hated the fact that I loved to play golf. I bought this for her when hybrids first came out which was approximately 5 years ago or when she was 115 pounds lighter. She stopped playing golf soon after I introduced her to the game and decided she would rather eat cookies and tacos as a sport. When she decided to start playing again she realized that her hands were to swollen to grip the club properly from all the meat around her knuckles. In addition, she couldnt figure out why she could not make a shoulder turn anymore. Truth be told, her titts got so big and droopy that she had to use my Sun Mountain push cart to haul them when we played (the cart has since buckled from the overloaded weight capacity). Also, her gut and thighs got so big she could hide 4 full grown Chihuahuas under the fat folds. I put up with her shitt for about 2 years and during this time she got even heavier. Her fatass became so big that when she actually made a correct shoulder turn she farted. I’m not talking about a ladylike fart with a few giggles- were talking fog horn deep and the smell was so bad it would turn all your hair into ash. I think the hippo actually fermented napalm in her colon from all the ice cream, pizza and bad chinese food she inhaled on an hourly basis. Ultimately it got to the point where I just stopped playing with her because I began to feel like I was doing a “Make a Wish” deed for the obese, retarded lady. And every time I went out with my regular group on Sundays, she gave me that look like I was going to be in deep shitt when I got back. So eventually I said f*ck it and I wont play for a while. 2 months ago I was cleaning out the garage and my buddies came over after a round and we were shooting the shitt about the US Open when all of sudden the cyclops comes out from her cave and tells me that I should sell all my clubs since I dont play anymore. My friends all gave me that look (you know what I mean) and just left in complete disgust. I knew those f*ckers were laughing their asses off at me and I felt really bad. Whatever……. I just rolled with it but 3 weeks after that incident she decided she was going to sell some of my shitt at a garage sale with 10 of her fat friends from the neighborhood. You shoulda seen this. It was a spectacle. 10 fat, female pigs all wearing tennis visors and shorts that were straining to stay buttoned around their waists. They had more MM’s, Oreos and Grape Soda then garage sale items. I went specifically to see what she took of mine thinking there may have been a few odd things that she grabbed when I suddenly I saw my beloved Mizuno MP33 blades being hauled off by a senior citizen. I stopped the geezer and told him it was a mistake but the f*cker told me to kiss his asss and that he had a receipt. I almost strangled the gimp but I had 5 fat hogs standing in front of me telling that a “sale was sale” and they barricaded me in with their 34 inch necks. Get this: THEY SOLD MY CLUBS FOR $89 AND THEY THOUGHT THEY GOT A GOOD DEAL. That was pretty much the last straw so that evening while the beast was asleep, I grabbed what I could and left her cave. This club was one of the items I snagged along with some of her golf shoes, shirts and her golf bag. If you are a man with size 18 feet and bunions her shoes might fit you. I’ll put the rest of her items up for sale in the Deformed Product Section. Please note this club has a small chip in the paint and has some sole wear. The lard asss must have forgotten to put the headcover on during one of her on course gas tantrums. Has a steel shaft in stiff flex with a brand new Golf Pride Tour Velvet grip. Club has 16 degrees of loft. Thanks for looking and if you win this club, keep it as a reminder whenever you decide that you are ready for a serious relationship. Take a good look at this club and remember its history- its priceless and you’ll thank me later.

Paypal verified member since 1998. $17.00 Shipping to Lower 48. All proceeds will be donated to the Jenny Craig Obese Fund, C/O of the Cyclops.

Well, that just made my freakin’ day.

selling my fat girlfriend’s club, funnies

Credit: Coryoo24 from Digg

Maybe those bean burritos weren’t such a great idea after all. Just like you and me, Tiger Woods needs to take a shit every now and again in between holes. This clip was taken mid-round in this year’s 2007 US Open at Oakmont which he lost by one stroke to Angel Cabrera. Now we know why he was missing all those short birdie putts, he was backed up and constipated. Don’t you hate it when that happens?

I love it how there’s a crowd to wait for him to finish his dumpage, and security guards too. After all, imagine someone pulling the old outhouse tipover.

I think I like Tiger more now than I ever did before…

Tiger Woods, taking a dump, golf funnies

This is a series of clips from the famous but now in reruns show ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’. Raymond, as many of you probably know, is a sportswriter and loves to golf. Well, this love of golf is usually at odds with his family responsibilities and specifically at odds with his relationship to his wife Debra.

Anyways, there are three clips below, they’re about 8min in length each. So if you’ve got about 30min to kill, give them a run…

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Everybody Loves Raymond, golf funnies

Very funny clip from Chris Rock TV special where he goes to Harlem to ask the people what they think of Tiger. The consensus is, “Who is Tiger Woods?”

Tiger Woods, Chris Rock, Harlem, golf funnies

Another funny TW commercial, this time he takes on the gophers. This is one of the more funny TW commercials that I’ve seen in a while. Definitely worth watching…

Tiger Woods, commercial, golf funnies

This is a pretty funny commercial from Heineken. The best part of it is when the golf ball hits the building and it goes down…

Heineken commercial, golf funnies

They should use this clip for an LPGA commercial, you know, like the ones the PGA uses to show how good their pros are. Only this one is for real…

Natalie Gulbis, golf funnies

The only reason why anyone would watch the OC was for Kelly Rowan, man she is stunning. Thankfully, the OC was canceled, but hopefully we get to see more of Kelly in the future. This is a short clip from the DVD outtake where she has a “blonde” moment playing golf.

Kelly Rowan, OC, golf funnies

As a former software developer, I can appreciate the whole Software Development Lifecycle. Still, it is annoying when you play a video game and there are some glaring bugs. This is just one of many that are being reported for TW08.

EA Tiger Woods 2008, golf funnies

More funny, alcohol induced, golf stupidity. This one is a classic…

golf funnies

This is just an outtake from a NIKE commercial, but Tiger probably could’ve played linebacker at Stanford, especially considering the sad state of Cardinal football the last several years.

Tiger Woods, ready for football, funnies

I figured as we get ready for football season (T minus 2 days), I thought it would be fitting to show this funny clip of a guy getting tackled on the course. It’s sweet, just watch…

tackle golf, funnies